I died. I woke up crying and I cried the whole time I was in the shower. In the dream I had a little time with Brady and I held him and cried that I would not be the one to raise him and how sad that was. I got to call one of my sisters and tell her how I wanted the funeral to be. That was it, I was gone.
I write to you about this because it is my way of making sure that the dream doesn't happen and if/when it does you will all know how I feel. I shall start at the top:
Dad- you have been the best father I could have ever hoped for. You have been an amazing example and have always had wise counsel for me in all my life adventures. You are the greatest and I am so grateful for the upbringing you have given me.
My dear sisters - you have made my life! You are the best of friends and I can't wait to go on though out eternity being as close as we are now. I hope they have phones in heaven so I can call you like I do now - or maybe we could live close (all 4 of us). Please dress me in my two piece temple dress. Even if I die later in life and the dress doesn't fit well, just zip the zipper as far as you can and call it good :) That is my favorite dress and if I only get one outfit to wear for a really long time I want it to be that one. Don't forget my bra either.
My dear brothers - Please make sure that you arrange your life in a way that we can be together in heaven. I know that both of you are not close with the gospel at this time in your lives. You both know that it is true. Do not let the atonement be a gift that you don't open. It is there for you, let it change your life as it has mine. Ed - who cares if there are too many hypocrites at church. Ignore them and go for yourself. No one is beyond redemption.
My wonderful husband - You are amazing! I love you and I want you to be so happy. Please find a way to locate me when you get there. There will be a lot of people and it will be hard but please keep looking. I will look for you too. Don't let your hurts keep you from being your best. I wish you didn't have to go through all the hard times. I hope that you get to work at a job you love sometime in your life. I hope you get all the camera stuff you want.
Kayla, Lisa, Bastian - you are my wonderful children - I hope I get to keep you for always. Your life is so hard because you are torn between two homes that are worlds apart. People who should be a righteous example to you are not. They will tell you to do what feels good and ignore the teaching of the church. Don't. Choose the Right. The Lord will not let you down. I love you!
Brady - I think I love you more than my whole life. I never imagined how amazing it would be to be your mom. I cherish every second I have with you. I want you to be a very strong boy and grow up to show others the way. I hope that one day you will attend a mission and graduate from college. Always stay close to the Lord, you will have nothing to fear if you do. I will be with you constantly to watch over you. Love, Mommy
Marnie - You are the my best friend. We have been together since 3rd grade through thick and thin. I love you and I will be waiting when you get there :)
Ingrid - the sister I never had. I can't wait to see you again. We can talk and eat French pasties together. I miss you in my life.
Katie McFall - You are like a baby I gave for adoption. I loved being your nanny. I still feel bonded to you like you are my child. It has been so cool to see you grow up. Live life to the fullest and be so happy. You have great parents - I love you all.
My step & extended family - there are so many of you and most of you are not living close to me. You are wonderful people. I am glad I met/got to know each of you. I can't wait to have a big family reunion in heaven to see each other again.
To my friends from the many wards I attended- Thanks for becoming my friends and showing be how to be a better person. It seems that most of the ladies I have met at church are so much better than me. Thanks for the example.
My friends at CMS - there are so many of you. I think working there was the best job I have ever had. I miss hanging out. I will look for you in heaven.
Sorry if this has been a downer to read. I feel better now. I plan to be at least a hundred years old when I die, I don't want to miss anything.
Love, Cindy
1 comment:
I hate it when I have dreams like that. Although usually someone I love dies, not me. Some times it is nice to be reminded that life is too short and you need to make the most of every minute.
I hope you know how much we love you and how devastated your friends and family would be without you. I love talking on the phone to you all the time even if it's just to find out what you are making for dinner. Cindy you are an awesome sister and one of my very best friends. I hope you don't die until your very old and gray and maybe I'm already gone so I won't have to hurt but I can meet you joyfully on the other side (and I won't be to blame when you find your bra is missing...)
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