Sara Jane

One month ago today our little girl was born. She is perfect. In the month since, I have been so happy! She is such a good baby. She sleeps and I am getting enough sleep. She nurses PERFECTLY! I had such a hard time trying to nurse Brady and it has been a night/day difference with Sara. I know what I am doing and my body is doing all that it should. Sara is picking up weight better than average.

I am so happy and I appreciate motherhood so much more. I am older and wiser and a bit more experienced this time around. Sara and I are starting to figure out a schedule that works for her. Yesterday she stayed awake for longer than she had so far. She also noticed the mobile on her swing and she stared at it for several minutes.

The birth I had been planning for did not happen. Instead we had a cesarean section and I have to admit it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. At the time I made the decision to have it, I did not care about how it would be, I was just ready to be done.

My water broke at 10 in the morning on the 16th. We had all the kids and we got them ready to spend the next couple of days (and longer for Brady) with Grandma and Grandpa Wilcox. I cleaned up some around the house and baked some brownies for my labor and delivery nurse. I was not having any signs of labor and thought that things would pick up later in the day. We finally decided to go to the hospital at 4 in the afternoon.

Upon arriving and the hospital we learned that I was at a 5. We were excited and thought things would get going soon. We up to our room and tried to get things going. We tried all ideas to get labor going but nothing happened. After midnight my doctor called and the call did not go well. Our conversation consisted of her being quite abusive and mean. She wanted me to start a labor inducing drug. I was a bit hesitant to do so. She called my parenting skills into question and let me know whatever I decided that she would overrule me and that I could be killing my baby if we did things my way. I was very upset and after talking to Ken and my Doula, I fired my doctor.

So here I was, in the hospital without a doctor, labor or a plan. I did begin the drug that every medical person thought I needed to be on. Apparently if you are term and your water has broken they want that baby out in 24 hours or less. No exceptions. Sara was not ready yet. I was on the drug at ever increasing doses until 1 pm on the 17th. When it hit it hit like a ton of bricks. I went from a 6 to a 10 in less than a half an hour. I pushed for 3 1/2 hours trying to get Sara out. The pain was unimaginable. All my preparation had not given me enough knowledge or tools to help me though this kind of labor. I think the drug made labor much more intense than it would have been had my body been doing what it should.

Sara was born at 5:29pm. Ken was not allowed in to witness her birth because on top of all that had gone wrong, my spinal did not take full effect and I had to have full anesthesia. This is Daddy and his girl meeting each other.

Here I am, fighting my way back to consciousness and meeting my little girl. I was exhausted and drugged and I was supposed to nurse as soon as I could. Fortunately, Sara knew just what to do. It felt like she was not really mine because one minute I was pregnant and the next thing I know they are handing me a baby and telling me she is mine. I was not aware of things when she was born and that has been hard. The doctor that stepped in to deliver me was great. She was a complete professional and did a great job on the surgery. I found out later that she is friends with the doctor I fired.

There are things that I wish were different with the birth but I feel like the last month has more than made up for it. Things could not be going better for Sara and I.

It has been great to see a different side of Ken. He is completely smitten with her. The kids are very sweet and everyone wants to hold her and take care of her. Sara is such a joy and a wonderful addition to our family. I can't believe that she has been here a month! Last Sunday was her first day at church. Sara wore a sweet little red and white dress, perfect for Valentines day. It was also our first outing as a family. I felt such happiness sitting together on the pew.

I have felt more like a family with Sara being here. Ken and I are working together like never before. I have had so much help from my dear mother in law. She has been perfect and has helped me so much. Ladies in my ward brought food over after we had a week of meals from Ken's mom. I didn't have to cook for almost 2 weeks! I am so pleased with how things are going. Life being what it is, I have other things to deal with. If I had choices on how my life goes I would not change things. The trials help you to appreciate the sweet times. Things right now are very sweet! :)