Last night I had a dream...

I died. I woke up crying and I cried the whole time I was in the shower. In the dream I had a little time with Brady and I held him and cried that I would not be the one to raise him and how sad that was. I got to call one of my sisters and tell her how I wanted the funeral to be. That was it, I was gone.

I write to you about this because it is my way of making sure that the dream doesn't happen and if/when it does you will all know how I feel. I shall start at the top:

Dad- you have been the best father I could have ever hoped for. You have been an amazing example and have always had wise counsel for me in all my life adventures. You are the greatest and I am so grateful for the upbringing you have given me.

My dear sisters - you have made my life! You are the best of friends and I can't wait to go on though out eternity being as close as we are now. I hope they have phones in heaven so I can call you like I do now - or maybe we could live close (all 4 of us). Please dress me in my two piece temple dress. Even if I die later in life and the dress doesn't fit well, just zip the zipper as far as you can and call it good :) That is my favorite dress and if I only get one outfit to wear for a really long time I want it to be that one. Don't forget my bra either.

My dear brothers - Please make sure that you arrange your life in a way that we can be together in heaven. I know that both of you are not close with the gospel at this time in your lives. You both know that it is true. Do not let the atonement be a gift that you don't open. It is there for you, let it change your life as it has mine. Ed - who cares if there are too many hypocrites at church. Ignore them and go for yourself. No one is beyond redemption.

My wonderful husband - You are amazing! I love you and I want you to be so happy. Please find a way to locate me when you get there. There will be a lot of people and it will be hard but please keep looking. I will look for you too. Don't let your hurts keep you from being your best. I wish you didn't have to go through all the hard times. I hope that you get to work at a job you love sometime in your life. I hope you get all the camera stuff you want.

Kayla, Lisa, Bastian - you are my wonderful children - I hope I get to keep you for always. Your life is so hard because you are torn between two homes that are worlds apart. People who should be a righteous example to you are not. They will tell you to do what feels good and ignore the teaching of the church. Don't. Choose the Right. The Lord will not let you down. I love you!

Brady - I think I love you more than my whole life. I never imagined how amazing it would be to be your mom. I cherish every second I have with you. I want you to be a very strong boy and grow up to show others the way. I hope that one day you will attend a mission and graduate from college. Always stay close to the Lord, you will have nothing to fear if you do. I will be with you constantly to watch over you. Love, Mommy

Marnie - You are the my best friend. We have been together since 3rd grade through thick and thin. I love you and I will be waiting when you get there :)

Ingrid - the sister I never had. I can't wait to see you again. We can talk and eat French pasties together. I miss you in my life.

Katie McFall - You are like a baby I gave for adoption. I loved being your nanny. I still feel bonded to you like you are my child. It has been so cool to see you grow up. Live life to the fullest and be so happy. You have great parents - I love you all.

My step & extended family - there are so many of you and most of you are not living close to me. You are wonderful people. I am glad I met/got to know each of you. I can't wait to have a big family reunion in heaven to see each other again.

To my friends from the many wards I attended- Thanks for becoming my friends and showing be how to be a better person. It seems that most of the ladies I have met at church are so much better than me. Thanks for the example.

My friends at CMS - there are so many of you. I think working there was the best job I have ever had. I miss hanging out. I will look for you in heaven.

Sorry if this has been a downer to read. I feel better now. I plan to be at least a hundred years old when I die, I don't want to miss anything.

Love, Cindy

My Kitchen Cabinets

I am back to work on our home. I mentioned before that I wanted to fix our cabinets. Here is a picture of why. They are stained darkly and they have wear marks where you open them. When I took this picture I noticed that I am also missing a piece of the upper layer of the wood in the corner.



I have 25 doors and 9 drawers. It is going to take a long time. Ken and I thought about what to do to fix this problem for nearly a year. I took one of the doors and stripped it with chemicals. That removed the outer varnish but not the stain. I bought a finish sander with a bottom that resembles a clothes iron. I sanded the one door that I stripped with 60 grit sand paper.



This is what it looks like now (in the pictures it looks darker than in real life. When sanded it looks much lighter than the stained doors. To get another door to this state it would take about 1 hour worth of my time. I am debating how to proceed. I NEED YOUR IMPUT! Even if you do not ever respond to my blog I need your thoughts and experience if you have any... PLEASE!

My problem is that when I sanded it did not get all the way into the crevices where the raised ridge is. I could get ahold of a Dremel type sanding tool and work on it to make the stain completely gone. I could sand some more with the 120 & 240 grit sand paper and get as well as I can into the crevices but leave some there. With both of these options I would then varnish with a clear varnish letting the light wood show though. The other option I have is to sand and paint the cabinets white. We are obviously going to get new knobs and do something about the gold hinges since the new knobs will be brushed nickel. If we paint the cabinets white we are also going to force ourselves to redo the cream colored counter tops and sink. We want to do that anyway but with the paint it is going to look like crap in the mean time.

Has anyone done this type of thing before? Do you know anyone that has? I need advice badly. If I end up painting do I need to sand with the finer grits of paper? How fine do you go? Anyone have thoughts on varnish? One coat? Two? More?

The last thing to mention is that we may not live in this house forever. It is too small and if the market were better we would consider selling now. I need the kitchen to look neutral enough for a buyer. That is why I worry about leaving a little stain in the crevice. Maybe someone else might not like the antique look.

Thanks in advance. :)

The Air Show

Last Saturday we went to the Air Show. It was at the Air Force base in Mountain Home about 30 miles from here. It was free to get in and I must say it was the best free entertainment I have seen (possibly ever). They had 20-30 aircraft that were on display for tours or looks into the cockpit. There was a helicopter and some tanks too. We had a blast. While we were touring the exhibits we took in the show in the sky. I can't remember all the names of the planes we saw but there were some old style "barnstormers", lots of F-whatevers, a thing called a thunderbird, some blackhawk helicopters, and multiple guys willing to parachute out of a perfectly good planes. The did a pretend war: bombs and smoke with rescues. Parts of it were really loud. It was amazing how fast they went. I loved the ones that went so high so quick that they stalled the engine and dived back toward the ground only to recover at the last minute. I loved all the patriotism that surrounded the whole event. I am so grateful for the men and women that serve(d) our country. To all of them: Thank You!

Brady is hilarious...

On Wednesday I needed to go shopping. I took Brady with me and I needed to concentrate so I let him pick out a treat that he could eat while I rang up our stuff. He chose some larger Hershey Kiss things. At the next store we went to he was sitting in the cart and he held two of the kisses in his hands and licked the bottoms of them. He then proceeded to stamp his face with them. Less than 5 minutes later he informs me that on his next birthday I can call him Taco Bdoco. I was instructed not to call him that until then. Last year he wanted me to call him Tottis Sil Lettuce. I do not know why he is like this but it sure is funny.

Done!

Yesterday I finished reading the book of Mormon. 531 pages read in 16 days. Today I did two sessions at the temple for our Stake Temple Day. It was good to feel closer to the Lord in his holy temple. Ken and I ran into his attorney while we were there in the evening. He is a really nice guy and gave us some advice on our current child support/unemployed situation.

This past Sunday was Fast Sunday and I appreciated the opportunity to add something more to my prayers for our family's situation. I had a deal with MaKayla that I would bear my testimony the day she got up the nerve to bear hers. Sunday was the day. We both went up and Sebastian came up too. It was a great day. I also had the opportunity to visit the Young Women and be a guest teacher for my old class the 12-14 year old girls. I sure miss working with them and it was nice to teach for a change.

New Hair

I cut my hair off! It was shoulder length and today I was going to get a bob and it turned out a little shorter than I thought. The good news is that I will not have to go in for a trim in two months this should last for four :)

Yesterday, Ken wrote a list of things he wants to do. He is going to try to get his photography business off the ground. Yes, we know that it will be hard. This afternoon I asked him if he would rather work one job that he hated or two jobs that he loves. He chose two. He might get his wish :)

Sunday August 24

I haven't blogged lately and I have to tell you why. On the 24th my family and I attended the dedication of the Twin Falls Temple. This temple has become special to my family and I since we toured it.

The morning after I posted last about Ken's layoff I went to the temple in Boise. As I prayed and contemplated what to do now that we have no income I had a few thoughts. We will be guided though this. I know that. I wondered why we had just spent some of our savings on a family vacation. I wondered why we had just bought a van. It became clear to me that these things were supposed to happen now, before the layoff.

About a year ago in sacrament meeting our Stake President asked each of the members of our stake to prepare to gather in the temple one year from that date on September 9th. He challenged everyone to set the date and go. We were also challenged to read the Book of Mormon in it's entirety by then. My family and I had already started reading it so we have kept up. We should finish it by the end of the year.

After I left the temple on the 23rd I thought about how many days were left until the Stake Temple Day. I thought that if I started reading the BOM on Sunday at the dedication of the temple that would have 16 days to finish the book. I made a little challenge for myself. We arrived early (as we were supposed to) to the dedication and I read through 1 Nephi 17 that day. Since then I have averaged 35 pages a day and I am on track to finish reading it the morning of the 9th.

That is why I haven't posted. I tell you this not to brag, but to testify to you of the difference I have felt in my life. I am not finished yet but I have already gained so much. I have learned so much and I have placed so many other projects aside and focused solely on this.

Yesterday we all had the day off so we took our kids to help Ken's sister and her husband move. We are tying to teach our kids how to work. It was amazing. There was no contention among them the entire day! They all said that they loved the experience.

I had originally thought to sell some items on eBay to help with our financial situation. Since reading the Book of Mormon I have had thoughts to give these things away and I have been been impressed to give certain things to certain people. I have also felt moved to increase my fast offering. I kind of feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants but I feel sure that this will all work out. I just have no idea how.

The last time I read the BOM on a time schedule I received so many blessings in my life. It was a really hard time and at the end of reading the book that time (Sept 05-Dec 05) my entire life had changed. So MANY wonderful changes occurred. I am not expecting those miracles to happen again. I know they are possible. I know that the Lord loves me and my family. He has a way for our family prepared. I am hoping...

Ken says he feels like the Brother of Jared. He just has to figure out the way to light the ship. I challenge all of you to read the Book of Mormon. The greatest blessings of my life have come when I have chosen to draw closer to the Lord.

Last Sunday we also had an opportunity to attend a very special baby blessing. Sweet Ryelee Mae was blessed by her father at the home of her maternal grandparents. Ryelee was born May 14 at about 26 weeks gestation. The fact that she is alive and thriving is a miracle. We are so blessed to have her as part of our family.