What I have done since...

Nine years ago today my sweet mother slipped out of this existence and now waits for me on the other side. I know she keeps tabs on everything I do but I thought I would make a list of times I really missed her:

September 11, 2001. I wanted us all to gather and be a family again. So many people died and I prayed that maybe you could go be with those who were trapped or dying and comfort them.

That first Christmas, it was so awkward and hollow, sorry Dad, but it was.

The following summer, my marriage was crumbling and I cried more that summer and fall than I ever had before or since. I separated from my husband and lived with Tee, I cried every day on the way to work. I sure missed you then.

When I found out I was pregnant with Brady, you were the one I wanted to call. I was so excited and scared all at once.

When I finally gave birth, I had no one to be my mom and come stay and help. No one to coach me through the hard times of breastfeeding and ear infections.

I would have loved to share the joy of being a new mom and quiz you about all I was going through.

I got divorced and moved three states away. I went to work full time and struggled to figure out who I was now.

I dated a few guys and then met Ken. Things were changing in my life and I missed your thoughts.

I moved to a town where I knew no one but Ken and became a newlywed stepmom of three, full time mom of one. I did things all wrong and I missed telling you all about it.

I got pregnant with my own little girl! She looks a little like you now and I sure wish you could meet her.

I went through the hardest birth experience imaginable, I hired a Doula to help me but I wish you had been there instead.

I have missed you many more times, almost daily in fact, the great and the tough times.

You did leave behind the best help for me, I have three of the most wonderful sisters on the planet. Every time I am missing you more than I can stand, I call one of them and things are better. I will be jealous if any of them get to see you first because I can't wait to sit on your lap and tell you all about my days while we were apart. You can stroke my hair and call me your Cindy Ree and tell me you love me.

See you soon mom!



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